Story 83

In continuation of Story 84.

Read the beginning of the story (series) here. (Story 86)

He did not spend too much time on the foreplay; while it should have made her happy that he wanted her desperately, she felt disappointed – it seemed as if he wanted to get over with it. He was inside her already, even before she was completely ready for him. She pulled him closer and kissed him on the mouth, it took a while for him to respond. She tensed beneath him. He did not want her, she thought but he proved her wrong. He kissed her again and fondled her. He did the right things and she was ready.

She felt him getting frustrated because he could not perform properly, even though her body wanted him she found it difficult to come for him; she could sense he was getting tired. She straddled him and let him rest for a while and when he was back in position she felt her body starting to reach the peak and finally she came, so did he! He pulled out and rushed to the washroom and it felt as if someone had ripped her heart out of her chest. 

She curled into foetal position and started to cry. She’d never cried during or after sex, ever. She had always felt loved until today. After love-making, he never pulled out in haste. He always kissed her and rested his head on her chest while still staying inside her. And then, they climbed out of bed together and went for shower.

She heard him crying out loud in the bathroom and she jumped out of bed immediately; forgetting her own hurt. He was hurting as well, perhaps more than she was hurting. She opened the bathroom door and stepped in. He was standing under the shower and crying. She joined him in the shower and asked him what was wrong. He looked at her, his eyes were red because of crying. He stepped back and sat on the rim of the bath-tub. She watched him, still standing under the shower. He did not make eye contact. That’s how he had been the whole time – avoiding eye contact.

Am I not desirable anymore? She asked him stepping out of the shower and sitting on her knees, near him and he looked at her. That's not what this is about, he told her. What's wrong then? she asked him and so – he told her. She listened to what he had to say and then she held his head in her hands as he started sobbing.


He couldn’t take it any longer. When she joined him in the shower and asked her what was wrong; he knew he had to tell her. She deserved an answer. She deserved more than he could offer. He should have told her earlier; should have not dragged their relationship to this stage. When he saw the concern in her eyes he felt very guilty for what he had been hiding from her. Yes, the war had changed him but there was something specific that had brought about the change in him. An incident, which he was not comfortable sharing with anyone not even during the therapy. She had been understanding for so long, but he would not blame her if finally, she lost her cool and cursed him or even hurt him physically.

He knew he had hurt her today; hurt that was perhaps beyond repair. He had tried his best to fulfil her needs, but in the end, he could not continue the act.
After love-making, he never pulled out in haste. He always kissed her and rested his head on her chest while still staying inside her. And then, they climbed out of bed together and went for shower.

But, the vision he had after the release made it impossible to stay there any longer. He decided he should tell her why he could not stay, he had to tell her what had changed inside of him. So, he told her.


The last thing he remembered before closing his eyes was her face staring down at him with concern. He had been badly hurt. He had staggered away from the war zone, holding himself together as long as he could and then he had collapsed on the ground as he had walked near a village. She had come rushing to him, dropping her bucket of water on the ground. She had lifted his head and rested it on her lap and had called out for help, but people were too busy to notice.
She managed to drag him to her house and once inside, he fell on her, bringing her down on the floor along with him. That was the last thing he remembered. He became unconscious.

He did not know how much time had passed, how many days had passed; he opened his eyes in intervals while recovering and whenever he did, he found her sitting beside him. He remembered being fed by her. He remembered being cleaned by her. The wounds still hurt but he knew they were healing.
She took care of him, provided food and shelter when he needed it. She nursed him back to health and one freezing night, when he shivered with cold, she offered him warmth of her body. As they lay naked under a blanket, holding each other close since there was no more wood to keep the fire burning; he felt safe. So many days after being at war, he felt safe. He believed no one could harm him as long as he stayed in her embrace. With that thought in his mind, he fell asleep.

The next morning, when he opened his eyes she was not there in the house. He got up from the bed and looked around; he tried to open the door of the cottage but she had locked it from outside. He walked back to bed and drank water from the mug kept on a stool near the bed.
The door opened from the outside and she stepped in. Her hair and clothes covered with snow. She had brought wood for the fireplace. He offered to help. She handed him half of the wood and closed the door behind her.
‘Have you heard anything about the war?’ he asked her. She nodded.

She told him that she had heard rumours that the war was over; at least the one that was going on near her village.
“I should go” he told her and she nodded.
“I understand and I won’t stop you.” She said and he realized he wanted her to stop him. He wanted nothing more than spending time with her. He did not want to go back to the madness. Even if the war at this place was over it did not mean it was not being fought elsewhere. And, going back meant he would have to be a part of it once again. Perhaps, his team thought he was dead. He wanted it to be that way, at least for a while.
With her in his arms, her warm body against his; he had felt alive and safe. He wanted more moments like these to cherish as he faced death once again. He needed physical contact to stay sane.

He rushed towards her and kissed her on the mouth. And before he knew, he was pulling at the laces of her dress, trying to undress her. He took off the worn-out trousers he had been wearing and took her then and there, on the floor. His physical need, his hunger evident in his thrusts. It hurt her, he could see but he could not stop. She offered herself to him, allowing him to kiss her whenever he wanted, moving beneath him whenever he wanted and as he came into her and collapsed on top of her, she caressed him. She helped him get dressed and got dressed herself. She cleaned the blood on the floor and he realized he had just taken away her virginity. This was definitely not the way she must have expected to lose her virginity. She placed the wood in the fireplace and gave him soup and bread to eat. He could not look at her. She sat next to him on the bed and wrapped her arms around him and he apologised and cried.

He asked her about her family and she told him her mother was dead and her father was out of the village for work. She did not have any siblings. He stayed over at her place for a few more days. They made love again, gentle this time. He wrapped his arms around her after sex and did not let her out of the embrace even when she said she had to do the chores. They slept in each other’s arms.

One morning, when she returned from outside she told him the news she had heard. The war had started again, closer this time. There were rumours that they were losing and the enemy was getting closer to the village. There were rumours that there were attack on the civilians on the outskirts. People of the village were scared and some of them were already running away. She looked scared. He told her not to worry. He told her he would protect her if need be. Protect her with what? He thought a while later. He had lost his gun. He had nothing to fight with. He did not let it show on his face. He picked up the axe and told her that he would kill anyone and everyone who tried to harm her. She rushed into his arms and cried. He dropped the axe to the ground and wrapped his arms around her.

One night, as they lay naked in each other’s arms after making love; they heard chaos outside the door. People were screaming and houses were on fire. They got dressed hurriedly and he opened the door to watch what was happening. He saw men being slaughtered like pigs, children were being killed as well. Women were raped and killed, including small girls. He told her that they had to leave. He picked up the axe and held her hand and rushed out of the cottage and out of the village, into the woods. They thought they were safe but they were attacked. The attack was too sudden and he did not get time to react. The axe was gone within minutes and he could not fight. A couple of soldiers beat him up. He fell to the ground and watched as 7-8 soldiers held her down and tore off her clothes. He watched as one by one all the soldiers raped her and then brutally murdered her. They chopped her body parts and threw them in different directions and her head landed where he was, frozen to the ground with fear. He looked into her eyes and gave out a heart-wrenching scream. He screamed until it hurt his throat and the soldiers laughed.
One of them walked towards him and tore off his clothes and left him naked, to die.

But, as fate would have it, he did not die. He lived. He dragged himself to one of the intact houses and borrowed clothes.
He found his way to the military camp and fell unconscious. When he came to, he was in the medical tent. His wounds were bandaged but there was one wound that could never be bandaged, one wound that would never heal. He tried to kill himself once, but he was saved yet again. He was cursed to live. Her eyes haunted him every night and he screamed in pain. She had taken care of him, he should have taken care of her but he did nothing as she was gang raped and brutally killed.

He could not hold the gun in his hands, he was not capable of anything, anymore. He jumped with fear even when he heard a glass drop to the ground. He was broken and so, they sent him back home.

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