Story 147

In continuation of Story 146.
The story begins here.

She had shouted for help, but no one was quick to reach the door; she threw herself against it a couple of times and finally managed to break open the door. 

She rushed inside and knelt next to him. The scissors were still stuck in his neck. There was so much blood. He had obviously pulled out the scissors and jabbed it in his neck the second time. 
She did not know whether to pull out the scissors or not. She looked around for something to press against the wound. She pulled her t-shirt over her head and wrapped it around the scissors, careful not to disturb it. She tried to put pressure around the wound but that did not help with the bleeding. “Help me” she shouted again. 

It seemed like a lot of time, but it was not. Her reflexes had been really quick because she had been sort of expecting this. Within seconds she had called out for help, breached the door, knelt close to him and covered his wound with her t-shirt. 
Within minutes, the staff arrived. Some entered the room while some ran out. A gurney was brought to the room, doctors were informed. There was chaos now. Despite everything, she could not take off her hands from over the t-shirt that was pressed against the wound, the scissors still protruding from the centre. 
 “Let go” someone yelled, and she snapped out of the trance. She let go and crawled to the corner of the room. She was shivering now. She looked at her blood-stained hands and began crying. 
 It was all her fault. “Let’s go to your room.” She heard a nurse’s voice and then felt a hand on her shoulder. She shuddered. 
 “You are okay, let’s go to your room” the kind voice repeated. Was she okay? No. How could she be okay? She was responsible for someone’s suicide attempt. “It’s all my fault” she whispered. The nurse squatted next to her and put her arm around her waist. “Come on, stand up” the nurse said as she helped her to stand up. They walked back to her room. 

The moment she entered the room she rushed to the bathroom and vomited in the commode. 
“There was so much blood” she said assuming that the nurse was still with her. She was. 
“I know.” The nurse replied. “Now, don’t you think about it. He’s being taken care of. He’s lucky you found him on time.” 
She knew the nurse was being kind to her. The nurse obviously knew who she was. She was ‘the girl’ who had spoken in detail about how she had assaulted her kidnapper. The moment the session was over, the whispers had begun. Even amidst the chaos, she saw the looks a few staff members gave her. The nurse was kind to her, but she was convinced that she did not deserve it. 

Her head still bent over the commode, she replied, “I had seen how restless he was after the session. I had a gut feeling that something bad was about to happen.” 
“Okay, get up now and rinse your mouth.” The nurse said trying to end the conversation. She stood up and flushed the contents; walked to the basin and rinsed her mouth. The nurse had walked out and brought a fresh set of clothes for her.

She pulled the camisole over her head and took it off. She stepped out of the blood-stained pajamas she was wearing. She was too deep in thoughts to be conscious of being semi-naked in front of a stranger. She stood in front of the wash basin, staring at her reflection in the mirror; her hands and arms covered in blood. She glanced at the commode, there were blood stains on the rim. She had to get rid of the blood stains. She walked back to the commode. The nurse tried to stop her but stepped back when she looked at the nurse. She needed to do this; the nurse agreed. She washed off the bloodstains with the health faucet and then stood under the shower. She washed the blood off of her neck, chest, arms and hands. Then, she fell on her knees and started crying. The nurse rushed towards her, turned off the shower, wrapped a towel around her, and helped her stand. The nurse helped her out of her wet undergarments and into the fresh set of clothes and then picked up the blood-stained clothes and put them in the brown paper bag she had brought with her. 

The nurse pulled out a small bottle from the pocket of her uniform. Emergency medication, she realised. The nurse took out a capsule and handed it to her. 
“Take it and rest” the nurse said. She obeyed. She gulped down the capsule with a few sips of water and sat on the bed. She was still in shock. Her body began to shake and she started to sob, loud, heart-wrenching, uncontrollable sobs. The nurse pulled her into an embrace and tried to calm her. 
“It’s all my fault” she repeated. She wanted the nurse to tell her that it was not her fault, he was a damaged person and he would have done it either way. 
“It’s all my fault” she repeated over and over again until the medicine started to take effect. The sobs slowed down, the tears dried and she fell asleep. 

She tried to open her eyes, the stickiness of the dried tears not making it easy for her. It was dark in the room. The blanket was pulled over her and she was alone in the room. She did not know how long she was out. She was glad the nurse had given her the emergency pill but now that she was awake, the guilt was back. What was she thinking! Talking about all the gory details of what had happened. She sat up in bed and held her head in her hands, still dizzy because of the pill. 
 She had to check up on him. Find out what had happened. She closed her eyes and hoped that he was alive. She climbed out of the bed and walked towards the door, almost losing her balance. The bright light of the corridor blinded her momentarily. There was silence all around. She looked in either direction, no one in sight. Where was everyone? 

She heard a guttural sound behind her, she turned around to find the man standing behind her, scissors still sticking out of his neck, his clothes covered in blood. She screamed. She sat up straight in bed, waking up from the nightmare. The lights in the room blinded her. 
 “You are okay” the same kind voice reassured her. “It’s just a dream” the nurse calmed her down. “How is he?” she asked the nurse. 
“He’s fine, in recovery.” the nurse replied. 
“I want to see him” she pleaded. 
“He’s in a different building” the nurse told her. The nurse assured her that she would let her visit him when she felt better herself. She nodded and fell back into the bed and to her surprise, fell asleep again. 

“Keep her sedated” she heard a male voice as she began to gain consciousness. She whimpered and tried to move. She could not. Had they tied her down? She tried to open her eyes but she could not, the eyelids felt heavy, as if held down with stones. 
What was happening to her? What were they doing to her? Why were they keeping her sedated. She felt a hand on her arm and then the prick of a needle. “No” she mumbled. She dissolved, yet again, into nothingness. 

She came back again, but did not open her eyes, did not make a sound, did not move. She did not want them to know that she was conscious, else they sedate her again. She heard two voices. Nurses talking to each other. 
 “She tried to kill herself with scissors” one nurse said 
“I heard, such a shame. After surviving that kind of nightmare, no one thought she’d do something like this” the other nurse said. She was confused. What were they talking about? She had tried to kill herself? 

She opened her eyes and found herself in a hospital. The one she was brought to when she had killed her kidnapper and escaped. Her wrists were tied to the bed. What’s happening? She wondered. 
“let me go” she yelled. 

“You are dreaming” a voice echoed in her ears and she opened her eyes to the real world. The nurse who had been with her the whole time was sitting next to her on the bed. You’d been in and out of consciousness. 
“You kept sedating me” she accused the nurse. 
“No. Just the one pill” the nurse replied, confused. 
 It took a moment for her to realize that it had all been a dream. The repeated sedation as well. The guilt inched closer again. Her head felt as if it was about to explode. 
 “How is he?” she asked in a coarse voice. 
The nurse handed her a glass of water. 
 “He’s back in his room, asleep.” The nurse replied. 
 She gulped down the water, she was thirsty. 
“I want to see him” she pleaded. 
 “Okay” the nurse said and helped her out of the bed. 
 “You are not allowed to visit other patients in their rooms, I will allow this once because…” the nurse stopped mid-sentence. 
"... because you feel guilty for his condition and rightly so", she finished the nurse’s sentence in her head.  

They walked to his room, which was on the other end of the common area. Not easy to visit him again without anyone noticing, she thought. She stood at the door, staring at him. He was asleep or unconscious, she did not know. His neck was bandaged. His hands were tied to the bed. Tears gathered in her eyes. She remembered her own captivity. She walked closer; the nurse did not stop her. 
She reached his bed and gently placed a hand over his. “I am sorry” she whispered as tears rolled down her eyes.

... to be continued.

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silent whispers

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