Story 109

Continued from Story 108.

He had been through a lot in his life. He’d been diagnosed with a disorder no one believed to be true. Because of the tendency of people to not consider it as a serious and genuine problem; it was quite late when he was finally diagnosed.

By then, he had become a disgrace to his mother and his step-father. His friends had started to avoid him, he did not have any girlfriend and no girl dared cross his path.

‘I feel as if hundreds of spiders are crawling over my body when that freak looks at me.’ He had heard a girl talking to her friend about him. That’s what he was – a freak.
Everybody blamed him for his actions without really caring to know why he was the way he was.
No one bothered to consider the kind of atmosphere he was growing up in.
No one bothered to find out what had been done to him.
No one showed concern for him except one woman.

He looked at the closed curtains and sighed. He had left his country to avoid living like this. He wanted to start fresh at a place where no one knew about his past. He was not completely cured but he had been ‘sober’ for a few years. He wanted it to be that way.

When he had been looking for a house he had clearly told the agent that he wanted to stay at a place where there were few neighbors and where people minded their own business. A place which was mostly occupied by middle-aged or elderly people.
His agent had found this place for him, the town where people minded their own business. There were less neighbors and mostly belonged to the elder age group. The married women kept to themselves in the safe confines of their house, their daughters were well-protected and did not leave the house unaccompanied.

It seemed as if he had travelled back in time. He was glad about that.

When he had told the agent about the conditions, the agent had looked at him, perplexed. He could not tell the agent why he wanted it that way. How could he explain to a stranger what his family had failed to understand?
The only woman who cared for him had told his mother about the disorder and his mother had laughed at her and insulted her for what she was. His mother was not mentally prepared to believe her son had some serious problem and was not a freak like everyone had labelled him to be.

When the agent had shown him this house he had fallen in love with it at first sight. There were not many houses on the street and the one opposite to his house belonged to a man in his late 40’s living with his wife and daughter of eleven. The agent had not mentioned the age of the wife because it seemed irrelevant to the agent and he had assumed that the wife must be in her early 40’s.

When he saw her for the first time he could not breathe. The very reason for which he had left his country, had chosen to stay in a small town, was there right in front of him, stayed in the house opposite his. Her beauty mesmerized him, and he was aroused. The wife of the man in late 40’s was much younger than he had expected her to be. She was perhaps in her early 30’s but looked a lot younger than that.
He found it unbelievable that a woman like her would be married to a man like him, a man who was more than a decade older than her. It was none of his business, but it bothered him; especially because the woman was not much older than him and belonged to the age group he had been interested in – all his life.

Sexual addiction. No one believed it to be true. It was often considered as a sign of growing up, or an excuse given by a married man when caught cheating on his wife. It was not different in his case. No one believed that all the porn he watched, all the masturbation was not merely a sign of growing up – it was beyond that.

His mother, after leaving his father, had married a rich man who was much younger than her. He had often returned home from school to find his mother and step-father entangled in coitus in the living room. Most of the times he shied away but sometimes, he could not take his eyes off.

His step-father had seen him watching once and had taunted him about it often. His step-father had introduced him to porn and had insisted they watch it together when his mother was not around.

One night, after a porn viewing session, his father had asked him to undress and had raped him. He was ten when it had happened.
It continued to happen, as and when the step-father pleased. He had tried telling his mother once, but she had been too drunk to understand or care. His step-father had overheard the conversation and as a punishment he had been asked to give his step-father a blow job; right there in the living room with his mother passed out on the couch. His step-father had come in his mouth and he had rushed to the bathroom to vomit.

He got up from the couch and rushed to the bathroom. He felt the nausea from the memories but when he tried to vomit nothing came out. He was still on his knees, his hands tightly gripping the commode when the tears came.

By the time he matured, he had more knowledge than his friends his age. When he was fourteen he had been caught masturbating in boy’s room in school. His parents had been called and his step-father had slapped him in front of the principal.
His step-father had told the principal that he would punish his son for this and he had. Back home, with his mother crying in the living room, his step-father had beaten him black and blue and had taken him to the bedroom.

Kids in school started making fun of him but that had not stopped him from continuing. He watched the cheerleaders – girls older than him, and did his act sitting on the bench in the ground, his shoulder bag on his lap. No one suspected him until he was spotted by one of players. His senior, who had caught him acting out had introduced him to prostitutes.
‘he’s too young’ a 20-year old prostitute had told the senior and the senior had paid her double. She’d then bedded him. He lost his virginity to a prostitute.

By the time he was Nineteen he had numerous sexual partners, he did not care to count. By that time, he had been expelled from school, his mother subjected to humiliation. She had finally believed that her son was constantly raped by her husband. She had caught the man in act when she had returned home early one evening. She had separated from the man but had not done anything legally. Girls avoided him, talked about him, made fun of him and feared him.

Therefore, his mother left town with him. He settled into the new town, joined new school, everything continued as it did in the old town. He could not control his urges. He found a girl who was interested in him and he took her like an animal. He could not connect with the girl even though she tried to. For her, it was more like an affair; for him it was nothing more than sex. It was after spotting him with a prostitute that the girl left him for good.

It was one of the prostitutes he visited that finally realized what was happening with him. He’d already climaxed twice and climbed on top of her for the third time when she finally stopped him. He told her he was ready to pay more, but she insisted that they talked. He had laughed when she had said that but within minutes he found himself crying like a baby, hiding his face in her bosom. He had then told her about the abuse, the porn-viewing, the masturbation and the uncontrollable sexual urge.

That’s when she had introduced him to the term – sexual addiction. That’s when she had told him that he needed help.
He had been glad to have found an educated whore. He told her that and she had smiled sympathetically. She had offered to talk to his mother about this. He had not been sure initially, but she had insisted. ‘you need some serious help, dude.’ She had told him.

When they had approached his mother together and the woman he was with had told his mother about the addiction, his mother had laughed at the woman and insulted her for what she was. It did not help that the woman was educated enough to understand what was wrong with him.

Despite the objection from his mother he had decided to visit a clinic with the woman. He knew, he would forever be obliged to her. He had found a job, but he could not keep it because of his addiction. He had no money. The woman paid the expenses. She introduced him to people who would understand his problem and help him deal with it. She made him join Sex Addicts Anonymous. She helped him deal with his urges. He had started to believe that sexual addiction was real. Suddenly, everything made sense. He was not a freak, he had a serious problem. He suffered from a disorder. He had the option to set things straight. He underwent Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which he benefited from. A prostitute had set him free.

He confronted his mother and made her understand. She did not. He decided to leave his house. He lived with the woman who had changed his life, but she had her limitations. She could not spend her entire life with someone like him. It was not his addiction that bothered her, she was worried about his future, worried that being with her might ruin him. He tried telling her that he was already ruined, she had saved him.

In the end, they separated. He found a place to live, he found a job he could keep. He continued visiting the group. He had finally settled but then, someone he knew in the past joined his office and hell broke loose. People started talking. Women started avoiding him. He had given up the old habits, he was ‘sober’ but that did not change how people looked at him, what people thought about him. He tried telling them about sexual addiction and they laughed at him.

He withdrew all the money from his bank and left the country for good. He decided to start fresh at a new place, in a remote place – a small town where people minded their own business. Place, where there would not be distractions.

And, he had ended up staying opposite to an attractive woman of his preferred age group. He was 27, he was still single and emotionally detached. He had not started dating, even though people from his group insisted that he should. Leaving them behind had been a mistake. He realized this after seeing her for the first time when she stepped out of the house to drive her daughter to school.

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