Story 70

Lying down on the couch she brought her knees close to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She stared blankly towards the closed window; unable to understand what had just happened. She lay there in the same position for a long time. She could not make sense of anything. Her boyfriend deserved an explanation but how could she explain to him something she did not understand herself. It had happened too fast.


They had been together for almost a year now. What happened today had not happened ever. They were kissing and that’s when the memories were triggered, they came in flashes, like scenes from some movie, blurred visions – indistinctive faces. He had placed his hand on her waist and reached under her shirt to touch her bare skin. The blurred visions flickered away as she reacted to his touch. As they continued kissing his hand moved further north. She helped him out of his t-shirt and then led him to the bed. He had unbuttoned her shirt and continued kissing her ears, her jaw, neck and shoulder while his hand explored the rest of her body. 

They had done this before. This was where they usually stopped but today he had made up his mind to go all the way. He had planned the evening. She had invited him over for dinner and he had insisted that he would cook for her. He had brought a bottle of wine with him and some candles. He had set the mood for the night. She had read through his intentions and she was ready, or so she thought.

As he gently slipped the strap of her bra from over her shoulder the memories came back. The faces somewhat clearer this time. A small girl with an adult. He climbed on top of her and she could feel his bulge against her. She let go of the images once again as she helped him with unbuttoning his jeans.
As he let his manhood out of the jeans she could not stop staring; sadly, it was not for the obvious reasons. His erection brought back memories that were hidden away somewhere in the deep recesses of her mind.

When he caught her staring he was further aroused and took it as her consent and without wasting much time he took off her jeans and panties and the very next moment he was on top of her and trying to get in. As he covered her mouth with his; she tried to push him away by placing her hand between their chests but either he did not get the hint or he was too aroused to even consider stepping back. With no other option left she had reached out for the alarm clock kept on the bed-side stand and slammed it hard against his skull. He yelled and pulled out, climbing out of bed in one fluid motion. He pulled up his jeans, thankful that he had not stepped out of them completely.

‘What’s wrong with you?’ he said. ‘I thought you were ready. You should have told me if you were not.’ He continued. He sounded different, his speech was slurred. She did not understand why. It was when she tasted blood in her mouth did she realize that she had bit him. Almost at the same time he brought out his bleeding tongue to examine in the mirror.
‘Why did you do that?’ he asked as he put on his t-shirt. She stared at him, unable to speak. He shook his head and walked out of her house, leaving her alone to ponder over the question he had asked her – why had she done that?


Why had all this happened? And, why had it happened now? She was happy with the way the evening had progressed. She was ready to take the next step. She wanted him as much as he wanted her.
She heard weird noises and she looked around the house trying to find the source until she realized the weird noises were coming from inside her. She was crying and screaming, or at least trying to scream, at the same time.

She closed her eyes and the memories returned full-fledged in HD quality. The faces now distinctive. She saw herself as a kid. She must have been 8 or 9. She took tuitions with a few friends of hers. They gathered together in her house and then went to her father’s office on the ground floor of the same building. That day, however, she had gone to the office alone. Her friends had not yet come and her teacher was waiting for them outside the office. She took the keys to her dad’s office and went down to open the door for the teacher. That’s when it had happened. When she stepped in, the teacher had closed the door behind her and picked her in his arms and told her that she was special, told her that she was his favourite student. And then, he had kissed her on her lips.


She got up from the couch and rushed to the bathroom. Weirdly enough, she could taste his saliva in her mouth. She vomited in the commode and collapsed on the floor. She was in her undergarments and as the cold tile touched the bare skin; she felt the touch of the teacher’s forearm against her bare thighs. She remembered being scared but she could do nothing. He had stopped when there was a knock on the door and had let her down. He had smiled at her and winked. He then opened the door for other students and the tuitions had begun.

She had not told anyone about this; she had even wiped it out from her mind. That’s what she thought until today. The memories had chosen the wrong night to return.

It had not been one time incident. It had happened again. Her father, unaware of the fear lurking inside the dark recesses of his daughter’s mind, had sent her once again to open the door for the teacher before her friends arrived. She had gone, reluctantly this time and had opened the door for him and the same thing had happened. He had closed the door behind her and lifted her in his arms and kissed her on the lips.

The memory made her sick again. She tried to empty the contents of her stomach but nothing came out except the retching sound. She slid back to the floor and closed her eyes resting her head against the bathroom wall.
There was more to come. This memory was nothing as compared to the one that had set her off. Made her upset enough to bite the tongue of the man she was about to make love to and push him off.

She did not know what she was supposed to do or say. Would he understand? She did not want to think about it. She did not want to think about anything. She just wanted to close her eyes and sleep. She slid down and rested on the bathroom floor but she could not close her eyes. She knew, the horrifying memory was waiting to attack.

She stood up with the help of the wall and walked towards the basin. She looked into the mirror, she was a mess. She splashed some water on her face and stepped into the bedroom. She put on her jeans and t-shirt and walked out of the house.
She took a deep breath and knocked on the door of her neighbour. When he opened the door and saw her he knew what she had come for.

‘Come in’ he said and she stepped in. ‘You are a mess. Want to talk about it?’ he asked. She shook her head. He went to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. He took out one pill and kept the bottle back in. Returning to the living room he handed over the pill to her but did not offer water because he knew she would take the pill back to her room and take it sos; i.e. only if she needed.

This was not the first time she had taken the painkiller from him. She had been having these headaches but she was reluctant to visit a doctor for the same. He knew she was not misusing the painkiller for the additional effect it had. Almost always she returned the pill to him because she willed the headache to go away and it worked most of the times, she took the pill when it became unbearable.

‘Thanks’ she said and turned around to go.
‘I am here, if you want to talk.’ He said.
She turned around and smiled. It was surprising how he could read her face. Every time she came to his room asking for a painkiller he knew it was for the headache; he should have assumed the same this time as well but he realized it was much more than the headache this time.
‘I am fine’ she said and left. He stood at the door watching her enter her house and close the door behind her.

Back in her room she did not wait even for a minute. She walked to the dining table and picked up the half-finished wine bottle and drank straight from the bottle. She gulped down the painkiller with wine and finished the bottle.
This time, she did not need the painkiller for the headache; she needed to fall asleep without memories assaulting her mind. She wanted to sleep peacefully without having nightmares.

She checked her mobile phone before going to bed. There was no message from her boyfriend. She wrote a sorry message but she did not send it to him. She decided to give him some time to recover from what she had done to him.
She stepped out of her jeans and slid in bed. Pulling the covers up to her neck she tried to sleep.


She was ten. One of her uncles was visiting them for the weekend. He always brought her gifts and she liked him. This time, too, he brought her a gift – a Barbie doll and a playhouse. She thanked him and hugged him. She was his special niece he told her.

That night, he came to her room as she slept and tucked her in. He kissed her forehead and walked out. The next morning, he helped her brush her teeth while her parents were busy. Her mom prepared breakfast while her father read the newspaper and talked on phone. She looked at her uncle through the mirror and saw him smiling. She smiled back. He told her he would love to give her a bath.

‘come, let’s go’ he said and picked her up. He took her to the guestroom and ran a warm bath for her. He undressed her completely and asked her to wait. She waited as he walked back to the bedroom and closed the door. When he returned he had taken off his clothes and was wearing a towel around his waist. He smiled as he ran his hand over her back. He asked her to sit on the bath stool and took the soap from the soap holder. He knelt beside her and filled the mug with water and poured the water over her body before starting to rub the soap. He bathed her, reaching everywhere he could. Under her arms, her neck, her chest and in between her legs. He moved his hand over her lather covered body before he rinsed it off with water.

He needed to clean the leftover stickiness of the soap he told her as he continued to run his hand over her body and kept pouring water reaching all places to clean her thoroughly. She involuntarily looked towards his towel and through the front slit in the towel she saw something peeking out.


Tears streamed down her eyes and over the pillow as she lay in bed staring at the wall, her knees close to her chest and her hands under her chin holding the cover tightly over her body as if it was going to stop the assault that had happened years ago. She felt naked and vulnerable as she watched the scene from her past. It did not make sense at that time but now she knew what it was. Her uncle had an erection while bathing her.

When her boyfriend had pulled down his jeans and she had seen his erection, in her mind she saw her uncle and when he had climbed on top of her body and kissed her and tried to enter; she had seen her uncle’s face and that’s when she had tried to push him away.

The painkiller had failed to save her from the assault of the memory that crushed her from within. She could feel her uncle’s hand all over her body. She jumped out of her bed and took off her clothes and rushed to the bathroom. She stood under the shower and tried to wash off the disgusting touch of years ago. She scrubbed her body until it turned red and started to itch and then she scrubbed some more. She let cold water run down her body and take away the uneasiness. When that did not help, she got dressed and walked out of her house.

She knocked on the door of her neighbour who opened the door immediately as if he was expecting her. He saw her face and stepped aside giving her way to enter the house. He did not ask her anything; he did not say anything to her. He just let her be. He let her walk to the bedroom and slid into the bed. He pulled the cover over her body and sat next to her on the chair.

She had been to his house so many times but her visits were always limited to the living room. This was the first time she had stepped into his bedroom and climbed into his bed. He knew something was terribly wrong. He wanted to know what it was. He wanted to comfort her but at the same time he wanted to give her the time she needed to be able to speak.
He watched as tears rolled down her cheeks.

‘Can I sleep here tonight’ she whispered and he nodded. She closed her eyes hoping that she would be able to sleep but the moment she closed her eyes she saw her Uncle’s face smiling at her through the mirror. She opened her eyes and saw her neighbour staring at her. She did not realize she had made a whimpering sound.
He did not ask her to talk, he did not have to; his eyes pleaded with her to talk.
‘I want to tell you something’ she said sitting up straight in bed.

Then, she told him about the events of the evening. Of what she had done and why she had done it. He listened, his expressions changing when she told him about what her uncle had done to her. She could see the rage in his eyes.
She continued crying and when he could not take it anymore, he got up from the chair and sat on bed next to her and held her hand. She let him. A moment later she went into his arms and as he wrapped his arms around her she said ‘I want to be able to sleep.’ He let her go and stood up. ‘sleep’ he said. ‘can you hold me?’ she asked. He helped her lay in bed and pulled up the covers. He walked to the other side and slid into bed next to her. She turned to face him. ‘sleep’ he whispered as he held her hand and she closed her eyes.

He wanted to wrap his arms around her; wanted to hold her close to his body, provide her the protection she needed but he knew it was not the right thing to do at this moment. He did not want to initiate the assault of memories again. He did not know what he could do to help her but whatever he had to do, he knew he would. May be get her some professional help, he thought as he watched her sleep. When he was sure she was fast asleep he reached out towards her and pushed back the strand of hair that had fallen over her face. She shivered in her sleep. His eyes filled with tears as he tried to understand what she must be going through.

She had suppressed these memories for such a long time; but they had managed to find their way out and had devastated her in the process. Despite everything, he believed she would be fine. The memories were fresh now and the wound was raw but he knew, over a period of time she would fight her way out of the assault – and he would be there for her.

Read Story 76, sequel to this story.

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silent whispers

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