Story 28

He had just fallen asleep on his side, one leg of his crossed over one of hers, his arm wrapped around her waist. She lay on her back, staring at the ceiling. She’d been feeling sick the whole day and he had come to her house in the evening with a bottle of wine to celebrate his results. He had topped his class and had come second in the university; it definitely called for a celebration. These results were the stepping stones to his successful future. She was worried about another result, her result. Her parents were out of town and being alone in the house was not helping. She was glad he was with her.

He had opened the bottle of wine and brought two glasses. She refused. She said she did not want to, when the truth was she could not. He was disappointed but he did not force her.  He was not the kind of man to force his woman to do something she did not want to.

He had moved closer to her on the couch they were sitting on and bent to kiss her on the mouth. This she could handle; in fact this she wanted herself. A distraction from the chain of thoughts. She kissed him back so passionately that he had moved away, breathless and surprised. He had taken that as an invitation to proceed further. He’d placed his hand on her waist and kissed her on the lips, moving his hand under her shirt. Then he had taken her to bed. He took out a packet of condom from his jeans and then took off his jeans. He had undressed her and then made love to her. This was not the first time they had sex but each time when they came together it was a new experience.

She looked at him and slowly moved his hand away from her waist. She sat up straight in bed and pulled out her leg from beneath his. He stirred in sleep and she sat still; willing him to fall asleep again. When she was sure he was asleep, she climbed out of bed and collecting her clothes walked to the bathroom. Before she got dressed she took out a packet from the medicine cabinet. She avoided looking at her naked body in the mirror as if not looking would change what had already begun.

She pulled out the stick for pregnancy test and sat on the commode. She followed the instructions for the test and waited, desperately praying for the earlier results to be false positive. She watched the control line appear in the first window and then she doubled over as the second line appeared, yet again. She moved her hand over her stomach and started to cry. They had always used protection but apparently that had not been enough. She looked at the sticks kept on the sink. Taking one more test did not make sense; also she was out of sample to test. She used the flush, closed the lid and sat on the commode again.

They both had gotten their results on the same day. He had been happy about his academic results but she could not say the same about her biological one. It worried her. She knew about his ambitions, his plans for the future and she did not want to become a hurdle. She put on her clothes and walked out of the bathroom. She picked up her mobile, tiptoed out of the bedroom and walked out of the house. She threw the sticks into the garbage can and continued walking into the silence of the night, hoping that the calmness of the night would calm her frayed nerves. She took deep breaths as she walked and the deep breaths turned into sobs. She sat down on the road under a tree and brought her knees close to her chest. She looked at her mobile wondering whether it would be appropriate to call her friend so late at night; finally she decided against it. She rested her head against the trunk of the tree and closed her eyes.

After she had calmed down a little; she got up and walked back home. He was still sleeping in the same position she had left him in. She undressed and slid into bed next to him. She watched him as he slept, his rhythmic breathing calming her further. She loved him, she knew and he loved her, there was no doubt about that and she knew if she told him, he would leave everything, risk his future and get married to her. The question was – did she want to do this to him? The answer was NO.
He shifted in bed and she moved closer to him, resting her head against his chest as he wrapped his arm around her yet again.

She was making breakfast when he woke up. He kissed her neck and wished her good morning. As she continued making breakfast he told her about the job offers he had got and other possible opportunities.
She listened to him, being happy in his happiness. He told her about the one job he was most interested in; for that he would have to move out of town, he said. She nodded and said that she was happy for him and he should take the job if it was what he wanted but her eyes betrayed her.

“Hey! It’s okay. It’s just a matter of couple of months, I will be back after the training and when I finally move I will take you with me!” he said
“I am sorry, I did not mean to cry. It’s just that…“, she did not want to finish off the sentence. She wanted distraction. She rushed towards him and kissed him on the lips.
She closed her eyes as he whispered ‘I love you’ in her ears. I love you too, she said and kissed him again, putting all her emotions and fears into the kiss.

Her friend called her a fool when she told her friend about her decision. If her friend was surprised to find out about the pregnancy, her decision of not telling him about it was the biggest shock her friend got. Despite being unhappy about the decision she had taken; her friend decided to support her.
While he explored the new possibilities of his life; she went to the abortion clinic with her friend. Everything was finalized, she was assigned a counsellor to talk to, ask doubts if she had any and discuss her feelings and fears. She talked to the counsellor about her dreams and his. She talked about her fears and asked questions about the abortion. It had to be done, in no way could she continue the pregnancy.

On the day of the abortion, however, she finally could not go ahead with it. Her friend was furious and left her alone at the clinic.
She returned home alone, emotionally and physically exhausted. She inserted the key in the lock but the door was opened before she could turn the key. Her parents were home. They had come back earlier than expected. She ran into the arms of her mother and started crying. Her mother held her tight against her chest and tried to calm her down.
She desperately wanted to involve her mother in the dilemma she found herself in; but could not find words to express.
She excused herself and walked to her room. She locked the door and started crying.

It was late evening when she heard his voice outside the door. She had fallen asleep on the floor. She stood up with the support of the bed and walked to the door. She opened the door and saw his smiling face. The smile lifted her spirits; the sadness vanished as the warmth of his smile engulfed her.
She saw her parents standing behind him, they were smiling too. She looked back at him, perplexed.
“I have been accepted.” He said and she assumed he was talking about the job position he had told her about; the one he wanted and the one for which he had to go out of town. She smiled, trying her best to be happy for him.
“By them” he said signaling with his chin towards her parents. She was confused.
“You are a mess.” He said, running his fingers over her cheek. It felt so good to be touched by him.
“I am sorry.” She said, she did not want his happiness to be overshadowed by her sorrow.
“No, I am sorry.” He said and continued, “Sorry for not being with you when you needed me the most.”
“It hurts to know that you think so less of me and do not trust me enough to share.” He complained and she knew what he was talking about.
He knew about the pregnancy. He said he had been accepted by her parents, which meant he had asked for their permission to marry her.

“I am ambitious; not selfish.” He said and moved closer to her and kissed her.

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