The Stalker - Sunita Ramaswamy


Prelude:
I am no celebrity but have been stalked and that is abuse!. This has caused great unrest within me, the perpetrator, still do not know who it is even after 30 years, has assaulted me mentally that has left bruised scars. The intrusions of this person in my space left me traumatized, esoteric and insane! He* appeared in the pre internet era through the snail mail with hate stuff and threats that caused relationships to sour, marriage to be on the rock and me perpetually on tenterhooks. Intimidation and harassment continued unabated, but I steadied my rocking boat. Each time I tried to forget, he would come back with renewed energy and gusto to hit fresh salvos and we would cringe in pain and anguish and disenchantment. 


A little later, although it caused agony, there were moments when me and my husband and the entire family laughed at the gimmicks of the intruder. The WWW saw him with a flourish, sending animated videos on youtube and the like when the world was just waking up to them. To put it in his words “I am your worst nightmare” which he was, and the ordeals were just like hallucinations. Initially, I just tried to brush it under the carpet as someone who was unemployed and a regular at cyber cafes whiling away his time smoking a cigarette! Or someone who was madly in love with me and I never knew about it and this desperate bloke was going over the top with my engagement. But this incompetent suitor continued with all audacity never to show who he really is, however, he was there like a shadow knowing when I was about to sneeze! The intensity and frequency increased exponentially to the point of insanity but we were clueless as to the identity!


He knew when I went out of station, he knew when I had visitors, he knew when my family was visiting me, he knew when I had stomach cramps…he knew it all!
 Who is this morbid villain? What is the intention of this hideous and ghoulish character? Is he a man possessed or obsessed or is he a psychotic or a narcissist? The answers I know none but life goes on as usual with that macabre sword hanging down by throat forever!


Here is a poem I wrote about the stalker …..

To laugh or cry, to rejoice or sulk 
at this looming shadow 

Omnipresent knight

I am the princess 
and he the palanquin bearer
The shield or the ghoulish sentinel 

The Sun playing truant with the clouds 
appearing when least expected 

Vanishing 
but leaving its golden rays 
the glare piercing through the somber 

To laugh or cry,  to rejoice or sulk 
at this haunting ghost 

Overbearing Phantom
can sense the masked apparition 
from the corner of my eye 

That palpable obscure spectre 
haunting me every moment 

UNSEEN, baffling and covertly
Experiences lasting night and day
Hellish, horrible and harrowing
The undercover agent spying
To laugh or cry, to rejoice or sulk 
at this eternal hallucination

For the defenseless prey 
like a crouching stealthy TIGER..

* Assuming the stalker to belong to the masculine gender and I could be so very wrong!




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